Storytime With H-Man!

Yoooo. I know i promised y'all Mos Def pics, but unfortunately thats gonna have to be put on hold for a lil bit, took all the pics with my sisters camera and she forgot the cord in Montreal...so gimme about a week andi promise they'll be up. In other news, finally broke and joined Twitter, dunno why i was so reluctant to join, its actually really dope. Check me out my profile right HURRRR, my screen name is SwervinIrvin (H-Man was already taken...blah).

So, storytime begins...this is a recollection of events that transpired last Saturday night. After reluctantly agreeing to a night on the town due to peer pressurer Sona's implorations, we headed to this spot we go to regularly called Marvin (14th and U St., check it out sometime, large heated patio!). We were meeting up with some friends outside the place, (names have been changed for reasons that will seem obvious later!). So Bob and Sally met up with us, along with a female "client" of Bob's (HAHA!) that none of us had met, let's just call her Lauren. Let's also just say that Bob was interested in this client, which is why she was there, though they had never been out together before. She was dressed in a very California casual way, with a slightly obscene amount of glitter pixie dust powder around her eyes, and had sorta crazy eyes (you know what i mean? Hinting at instability?) Sally, who had made her acquaintance on the ride over (as Bob and Sally has picked her up on the way out) had already made up her mind about her and told me that she sucked, apparently partly based on the fact that the first thing this girl had told then upon entering their vehicule was that her father had locked her out last time because he thought she was a prostitute...which seems like a reasonable reason for some hate. Me, attempting to not be the judgmental haterade sippin mothafucka that I usually am decided to give her a chance, and despite definitely catching a very weird vibe from her had not made my mind up about what i thought just quite yet.



Crazy Eyes!


After a couple minutes and hollerin at the homie Collins workin the door, we made our way inside, and proceeded to get some dranks. I happened to not be drinking that night. I got annihilated the night before and somehow had gotten a huge nosebleed earlier that day (i think i might have a problem? MJ and SoS know what im talkin' bout...), so i wasn't about to thin my blood and risk another nasal incident. We're standing in a huddle smokin some Newports (not my cig of choice, those things tear my dman throat out)and I felt sorta bad for Lauren cuz everyone was talkin about things that she obviously wasn't it on. I initiated a conversation with her, and she was way too strange to maintain the conversation with, she had very odd switches been high and low pitched voices and was just too intense for my sober ass to deal with. I somehow publicly admitted that the reson i wasn't drinking wasn't because i wanted to detox, but becasue i didn't want to bleed. Upon hearing this information ,the at-this-point-im-starting-to-think-is-completley CRAZY girl starts cackling and yelling "BLEED BITCH! BLEED", at least 5 times, making me feel extremely comfortable and honestly kind of scared...

Next was a re-up on the drinks, and even by trying to put some distance between Lauren and myself, she somehow always ends up right close, and seems to be losing her motor skills at an alarming rate considering that she's only one drink deep, bumping into people rigth and left with apparently no realization of what she was doing. It all finally got to be to much when after disappearing for a few minutes, she returns with a stunned look on her face and tells me that i should go "kick his ass" vaguely pointing to a table behind me. When i asked her what happened, all she did was stare blankly ahead and lightly sway from side to side. At this point, I'm basically just stepping away, and everyone is saying the same thing ; "This bitch needs to leave." After refusing to give up her drink to any of us and looking as if she was about to fall over, we get one of the security guards to escort her away, at which point she actually FALLS on the deck.

At thsi point, Bob decides that he has to get a handle on the situation, and brings Sally with him to help. It turns out she has not been kicked out, she is being watched over by security. Sally brings her to the bathroom to attempt to have her throw up, but instead Laurel tries to get into a fight a smashes a bunch of glasses. At this point, the executive decision has been made that shes outta there. She proceeds to FALL DOWN THE STAIRS. Bob and Sally get her not a cab (apparently she doesn't even know her dress..haha), but not before she get out of it and SLAPS SALLY ACROSS THE FACE. Eventually she is forced into the cab by Bob and drives away into the night...the next day, Bob gets a text message; "What happened last night? I blacked out" and "I forgot, mixing medication and alcohol = bad news"...all I can say is that SHE is bad news, and for all our sakes hope Bob never replied.


AHHHH!



So what is the moral of this story you might ask? Its ever so simple. Never bring a girl you don't know around your friends without testing the waters out first. You never know when someone might drink on medication, start fights, and be an all around crazy bitch. As for the moral for me, stick to judging people! Look what happened when i tried to be "open-minded"... So this concludes story time with H-Man. H-Man swervin' out!

THE END